Narcissists that you have left behind seem to have this ability to turn up randomly like a bad penny. Just when you think you have heard the last from them, they "pop up" again. When the other day my friend texted me that El Zorro had contacted her again, I couldn't believe it. They just don't give up, do they?
Still, there is something to be learned from the interaction that took place between him and my friend, so I'll share it with you:
El Zorro (to my friend):
" hey girl, I need some info"
My friend doesn't reply.
Half hour later, he texts: "How are you? btw"
Then: "don't play hard to get, please"
An hour later, my friend replies: "Hello Diego, everything ok?"
He responds: "Hi, look, can you give me the info of the house we stayed in last summer?"
My friend replies: "Of course, I'll look it up for you and I'll send you the details." (As you might have guessed, she had no intention of giving him those details. She's being sarcastic.)
Three days later he calls my friend and leaves a message in her answering machine, he also texts her three more times. She replies: "Im sorry. I'm out of town and won't be able to help you with the info on the house". He replies: "You could at least tell me the name, that's not too much too ask." To which she doesn't reply.
The next day, she gets a text from El Zorro's "armour bearer". Of course, no self-respecting Narc gives up a fight without at least sending one "flying monkey":
"Hello, how's things? I guess you'll be thinking we're using you and there's surely a bit of truth in that, but it's also true that I was looking forward, if you were in town in August, to meet up for a drink (that I owe you), it's because of this that Diego speaks so highly of the house and I was looking forward to take my little ones there, so we wanted to get the details on the house if it's possible. I'm sorry if I have inconvenienced you. Thanks. Hugs."
My friend couldn't make much sense of this text and was confused. If the house was for the "friend", how come Diego was the one asking for the info first? (Both guys know my friend the same and they both have her phone number). Bless... she didn't know about "Flying Monkeys". I explain to her that if the house was for the friend, he would have been the one to ask first. The reason why he was asking now is because Diego hadn't got what he wanted so he sent his FM to do the work for him. The whole texts reeks of FM work. Like, notice the way he tries to appeal to her "tender feelings" by casually dropping in that he wants to bring his "little ones" (which are not so little, in case you're wondering, more like teenagers).
My friend sends the following reply:
"Hi Leo, yes, I'm quite surprised by your message. Still, it is consistent with your style. I'm sorry I won't be able to help with the house details. Take care."
To what he replies: "Hi, look, I really don't know when I tried to take advantage of you, but it doesn't matter. Take care, unless it was the fact that I was happy and laughing when we saw each other last, which I hope was not offensive to you. In any case, if it was that way, I am really sorry".
My friend did not reply to that (and I believe she has now blocked their access to her phone). It's amazing how easy it is to spot the manipulation once you know how Narcissists operate. My friend was rather confused by the interaction and believed that the guys were just being oblivious to their own self-centeredness. I explained to her that they knew exactly what they were doing, but that they didn't care what she thought of them as long as they got what they wanted.
Showing posts with label Narc speak. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Narc speak. Show all posts
Wednesday, 9 July 2014
Sunday, 22 September 2013
Those Who Dish It Out...
On the day I met El Zorro, he said to us: "When I was in my mid-thirties I started to tell the truth whether people liked or not, and it made me feel a lot better." We commended him for this, and agreed that this was the best policy. It wouldn't take us long to realise that he likes to tell the truth to others, but to have the truth told to him? Nah, no so much...
One morning after breakfast he was trying to wind me up about something (I can't remember what it was now. I'm really going to have to start taking daily notes on the things that happen...) Anyway, not only I'm not picking up his bait but I shrug my shoulders as if to say: "Whateva...". He then looks at me, not looking very happy, and says: "This dismissive gesture... I didn't like it at all". I smiled and said: "well, you did say you always wanted the truth, didn't you?"
It seems to me that a lot of people who make a big song and dance about truth, when it comes to the truth about themselves, well, that's entirely another story, and not one they're particularly keen to hear...
On another note, the weekend after this happened, my friend calls me and says: "Guess what? Don Diego has a new girlfriend!" Well, that's interesting, for someone who made such a noise about telling the truth, he didn't mention this "interest" of his, not once for the whole weekend. I said to my friend: "what? an instant girlfriend? just add water...? ;)"
One morning after breakfast he was trying to wind me up about something (I can't remember what it was now. I'm really going to have to start taking daily notes on the things that happen...) Anyway, not only I'm not picking up his bait but I shrug my shoulders as if to say: "Whateva...". He then looks at me, not looking very happy, and says: "This dismissive gesture... I didn't like it at all". I smiled and said: "well, you did say you always wanted the truth, didn't you?"
It seems to me that a lot of people who make a big song and dance about truth, when it comes to the truth about themselves, well, that's entirely another story, and not one they're particularly keen to hear...
On another note, the weekend after this happened, my friend calls me and says: "Guess what? Don Diego has a new girlfriend!" Well, that's interesting, for someone who made such a noise about telling the truth, he didn't mention this "interest" of his, not once for the whole weekend. I said to my friend: "what? an instant girlfriend? just add water...? ;)"
Sunday, 24 March 2013
Twisted Reasonings
This is something I heard today being said about one of the Narcs mentioned in the post about handwriting:
"He says a lot of wrong things but never for the wrong reasons."
I have heard people making similar comments about this man for the last 10 years. There's something in this phrase that doesn't sit right with me.
"He says a lot of wrong things but never for the wrong reasons."
I have heard people making similar comments about this man for the last 10 years. There's something in this phrase that doesn't sit right with me.
Tuesday, 19 March 2013
Words: Emotion and Content
Some Narcissistic people seem to attach a level of emotion to their words that doesn't seem to match the content. They make it sound like the smallest inconvenience is the end of the world, and we should just drop everything we're doing IMMEDIATELY to go and help them. I'm slowly learning to pay attention to what they actually say and not how they say it.
A good example of this is a message that has been circulating on Facebook. I'm sure you've probably seen it posted in one of your friends' walls:
Just so everyone on my friends list knows that I completed this and I am done! Facebook has changed their privacy settings once more!! Due to the new "graph app" anyone on facebook (including other countries ) can see your pictures, likes & comments. The next 2 weeks I will be posting this, and please once you have done it please post DONE!!! Those of you who do not keep my information from going...... out to the public, I will have to DELETE YOU! I want to stay PRIVATELY connected with you. I post shots of family that I don't want strangers to have access to! This happens when friends click "like" or "comment"....automatically, their friends would see our posts, too. Unfortunately, we cannot change this setting by ourselves because Faceboook configured it that way. PLEASE place your mouse over my name above (DO NOT CLICK), a window will appear,now move the mouse on "FRIENDS" (also without clicking), then down to "settings", click here and a list will appear. REMOVE the CHECK on "LIFE EVENTS and "COMMENTS & LIKES". By doing this, my activity among my friends and family will no longer become public. Now, copy & paste this on your wall. Once i see this posted on your page, I will do the same.
The first time I saw this a few months ago I totally fell for it and did what it asked, except for posting it on my wall. When I saw it posted again yesterday I thought:"hang on a minute, let's read what this actually says". When I read the post again I realised that if you do what it asks, the only thing that happens is that you won't see said friend's updates on your wall, so really the whole thing is a joke at the expense of the poster, who then will go on wondering why no-one is commenting on their updates.
Unimportant stuff like this aside, what narcs are doing by attaching that level of emotion (or emergency) to their demands, whether they realise it or not, is shooting themselves in the foot. Because -just like the boy who cried wolf-, in the end, people stop taking them seriously.
A good example of this is a message that has been circulating on Facebook. I'm sure you've probably seen it posted in one of your friends' walls:
Just so everyone on my friends list knows that I completed this and I am done! Facebook has changed their privacy settings once more!! Due to the new "graph app" anyone on facebook (including other countries ) can see your pictures, likes & comments. The next 2 weeks I will be posting this, and please once you have done it please post DONE!!! Those of you who do not keep my information from going...... out to the public, I will have to DELETE YOU! I want to stay PRIVATELY connected with you. I post shots of family that I don't want strangers to have access to! This happens when friends click "like" or "comment"....automatically, their friends would see our posts, too. Unfortunately, we cannot change this setting by ourselves because Faceboook configured it that way. PLEASE place your mouse over my name above (DO NOT CLICK), a window will appear,now move the mouse on "FRIENDS" (also without clicking), then down to "settings", click here and a list will appear. REMOVE the CHECK on "LIFE EVENTS and "COMMENTS & LIKES". By doing this, my activity among my friends and family will no longer become public. Now, copy & paste this on your wall. Once i see this posted on your page, I will do the same.
The first time I saw this a few months ago I totally fell for it and did what it asked, except for posting it on my wall. When I saw it posted again yesterday I thought:"hang on a minute, let's read what this actually says". When I read the post again I realised that if you do what it asks, the only thing that happens is that you won't see said friend's updates on your wall, so really the whole thing is a joke at the expense of the poster, who then will go on wondering why no-one is commenting on their updates.
Unimportant stuff like this aside, what narcs are doing by attaching that level of emotion (or emergency) to their demands, whether they realise it or not, is shooting themselves in the foot. Because -just like the boy who cried wolf-, in the end, people stop taking them seriously.
Monday, 18 March 2013
All Caps Handwriting
As much as the "experts" claim that handwriting analysis is not an exact science (and is there such a thing as an exact science? Apart from mathematics, that is...), it is undeniable that the way people write, what they write about and the language they use tells us quite a bit about the person.
I only started looking into it because it struck me that two of the most narcissistic people I knew, though quite different from each other, both write in all caps when sending a card. I don't think this applies to all people who write in all caps, sometimes all caps can have a clear and pretty effect; what I'm talking about here are the ones that make their "get well" cards look like kidnapper's ransom notes. Also like kidnapper's ransom notes, the way they write is bullying.
Interestingly, both these people also send typed personal letters (I guess it takes too long to write in all caps) which I think is odd. If you're going to do that, why not send an email instead?
Here are some interpretations of why people write in all caps which, at least in the cases of the two people I know, are spot on. (from http://www.writechoice.co.in/writechoice/index.php/2011/08/all-caps-handwriting-why-some-people-write-in-block-letters-and-what-it-means/)
"these people do not like to disclose anything about themselves to others. They are uncomfortable talking about their personal lives — at least in interpersonal relationships. They do not want others to know about themselves."
Usually, all-caps handwriting lacks connection between letters, which indicates that the writer does not like to relate to people at a personal level. Also, such writers are quite egotistic. They hold strong opinions and it’s very tough to get them to see another point of view. They emphasise a lot on their day-to-day lives, rather than spending some time planning their future.
Another article on this I found on http://handwritinganalysis-1.blogspot.co.uk/2009/03/when-people-write-in-all-capitals.html
the comments were particularly interesting (a lot of examples of "the lady doth protest too much"). One in particular caught my attention:
I only started looking into it because it struck me that two of the most narcissistic people I knew, though quite different from each other, both write in all caps when sending a card. I don't think this applies to all people who write in all caps, sometimes all caps can have a clear and pretty effect; what I'm talking about here are the ones that make their "get well" cards look like kidnapper's ransom notes. Also like kidnapper's ransom notes, the way they write is bullying.
Interestingly, both these people also send typed personal letters (I guess it takes too long to write in all caps) which I think is odd. If you're going to do that, why not send an email instead?
Here are some interpretations of why people write in all caps which, at least in the cases of the two people I know, are spot on. (from http://www.writechoice.co.in/writechoice/index.php/2011/08/all-caps-handwriting-why-some-people-write-in-block-letters-and-what-it-means/)
"these people do not like to disclose anything about themselves to others. They are uncomfortable talking about their personal lives — at least in interpersonal relationships. They do not want others to know about themselves."
Usually, all-caps handwriting lacks connection between letters, which indicates that the writer does not like to relate to people at a personal level. Also, such writers are quite egotistic. They hold strong opinions and it’s very tough to get them to see another point of view. They emphasise a lot on their day-to-day lives, rather than spending some time planning their future.
Another article on this I found on http://handwritinganalysis-1.blogspot.co.uk/2009/03/when-people-write-in-all-capitals.html
the comments were particularly interesting (a lot of examples of "the lady doth protest too much"). One in particular caught my attention:
CristinaAugust 19, 2010 at 8:21 PM
I think you got something. So I got a letter from a guy that I barely say anything to, friendly how are you's. He looked like a really well put together kind of person. dressed nice and very polite. I didnt see him for a while and all of a sudden I get a letter from him. He wrote in all caps. I thought that was sorta strange. His words were very carefully chosen. Before I decided to respond, I looked into him and found out that he was in jail and he is being accused of molesting a kid. Maybe you're right. Needless to say, I didn't respond.
"He looked like a really well put together kind of person. dressed nice and very polite.""His words were very carefully chosen." This is also true of the two Ns I know. I think the dressing well and being polite (and charming) is their decoy. In reality, they are bullies, but if they showed their true colours straight away, nobody would go anywhere near them, would they?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)