Wednesday, 9 July 2014

Like a Bad Penny...

Narcissists that you have left behind seem to have this ability to turn up randomly like a bad penny. Just when you think you have heard the last from them, they "pop up" again. When the other day my friend texted me that El Zorro had contacted her again, I couldn't believe it. They just don't give up, do they?
Still, there is something to be learned from the interaction that took place between him and my friend, so I'll share it with you:

El Zorro (to my friend):

" hey girl, I need some info"

My friend doesn't reply.

Half hour later, he texts: "How are you? btw"

Then: "don't play hard to get, please"

An hour later, my friend replies: "Hello Diego, everything ok?"

He responds: "Hi, look, can you give me the info of the house we stayed in last summer?"

My friend replies: "Of course, I'll look it up for you and I'll send you the details." (As you might have guessed, she had no intention of giving him those details. She's being sarcastic.)

Three days later he calls my friend and leaves a message in her answering machine, he also texts her three more times. She replies: "Im sorry. I'm out of town and won't be able to help you with the info on the house". He replies: "You could at least tell me the name, that's not too much too ask." To which she doesn't reply.

The next day, she gets a text from El Zorro's "armour bearer". Of course, no self-respecting Narc gives up a fight without at least sending one "flying monkey":
"Hello, how's things? I guess you'll be thinking we're using you and there's surely a bit of truth in that, but it's also true that I was looking forward, if you were in town in August, to meet up for a drink (that I owe you), it's because of this that Diego speaks so highly of the house and I was looking forward to take my little ones there, so we wanted to get the details on the house if it's possible. I'm sorry if I have inconvenienced you. Thanks. Hugs."

My friend couldn't make much sense of this text and was confused. If the house was for the "friend", how come Diego was the one asking for the info first? (Both guys know my friend the same and they both have her phone number). Bless... she didn't know about "Flying Monkeys". I explain to her that if the house was for the friend, he would have been the one to ask first. The reason why he was asking now is because Diego hadn't got what he wanted so he sent his FM to do the work for him. The whole texts reeks of FM work. Like, notice the way he tries to appeal to her "tender feelings" by casually dropping in that he wants to bring his "little ones" (which are not so little, in case you're wondering, more like teenagers).

My friend sends the following reply:
"Hi Leo, yes, I'm quite surprised by your message. Still, it is consistent with your style. I'm sorry I won't be able to help with the house details. Take care."

To what he replies: "Hi, look, I really don't know when I tried to take advantage of you, but it doesn't matter. Take care, unless it was the fact that I was happy and laughing when we saw each other last, which I hope was not offensive to you. In any case, if it was that way, I am really sorry".

My friend did not reply to that (and I believe she has now blocked their access to her phone). It's amazing how easy it is to spot the manipulation once you know how Narcissists operate. My friend was rather confused by the interaction and believed that the guys were just being oblivious to their own self-centeredness. I explained to her that they knew exactly what they were doing, but that they didn't care what she thought of them as long as they got what they wanted. 


  1. Even knowing what I know, Flying Monkeys can still throw me for a loop, probably because it so often comes out, seemingly, from nowhere.

    1. Yes, I agree. I should have added that it's easier when it's not being done to one ;) I guess the trick is to take time to reply, so you're able to see what's really going on, which is easier when it comes to written communication. With verbal exchanges is harder.

  2. Wow, they find a way to re-enter some how. They drop in and it is for something, it becomes revealed the more and more impatient they get. It is a great example of how Ns and FMs operate. The intention becomes clear and the manner in which they speak to your friend is really rude and I like how she said No. xx

    1. Yes, it's amazing to see the lengths they'll go to just NOT do the work. Because they could have easily found the info on the holiday home if they had bothered to do a search online, but of course, it's much easier to get someone else to do the work for them... - sarcasm font needed here ;) - xx

  3. great exchange to see. Very transparent to we experts in flying monkeydom, now, eh? But headspinning if it comes out of nowhere and you're not used to FMs. Leo's response was so asshatty.

    1. Yup, Leo is a proper loser. To be running to do the work for another guy when he's already well into his 40s. It's pathetic really... :P