Some Narcissistic people seem to attach a level of emotion to their words that doesn't seem to match the content. They make it sound like the smallest inconvenience is the end of the world, and we should just drop everything we're doing IMMEDIATELY to go and help them. I'm slowly learning to pay attention to what they actually say and not how they say it.
A good example of this is a message that has been circulating on Facebook. I'm sure you've probably seen it posted in one of your friends' walls:
Just so everyone on my friends list knows that I completed this and I am done! Facebook has changed their privacy settings once more!! Due to the new "graph app" anyone on facebook (including other countries ) can see your pictures, likes & comments. The next 2 weeks I will be posting this, and please once you have done it please post DONE!!! Those of you who do not keep my information from going...... out to the public, I will have to DELETE YOU! I want to stay PRIVATELY connected with you. I post shots of family that I don't want strangers to have access to! This happens when friends click "like" or "comment"....automatically, their friends would see our posts, too. Unfortunately, we cannot change this setting by ourselves because Faceboook configured it that way. PLEASE place your mouse over my name above (DO NOT CLICK), a window will appear,now move the mouse on "FRIENDS" (also without clicking), then down to "settings", click here and a list will appear. REMOVE the CHECK on "LIFE EVENTS and "COMMENTS & LIKES". By doing this, my activity among my friends and family will no longer become public. Now, copy & paste this on your wall. Once i see this posted on your page, I will do the same.
The first time I saw this a few months ago I totally fell for it and did what it asked, except for posting it on my wall. When I saw it posted again yesterday I thought:"hang on a minute, let's read what this actually says". When I read the post again I realised that if you do what it asks, the only thing that happens is that you won't see said friend's updates on your wall, so really the whole thing is a joke at the expense of the poster, who then will go on wondering why no-one is commenting on their updates.
Unimportant stuff like this aside, what narcs are doing by attaching that level of emotion (or emergency) to their demands, whether they realise it or not, is shooting themselves in the foot. Because -just like the boy who cried wolf-, in the end, people stop taking them seriously.
So true! I hardly pay any attention to the wailing cries for help. I make sure I understand the situation, and then decide whether or not any action is actually required from me. I've had to learn to ask a lot of questions, which of course was forbidden in the FOO. Hmmm... what do you know... I've made a significant change and didn't even realize it.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the tip Judy, I think asking a lot of questions is the way forward. What makes it hard is, like you say, that it was forbidden in the FOO (mine too), I always feel like I am being rude if I ask questions. It's great that you've been able to master this. Go Judy! xx
DeleteThere are certain "classes" of FB posts I have learned to ignore. My brain just kind of skips over them. Those that plead for immediate action because of some perceived threat certainly fit that category, particularly if there are a lot of capital letters and exclamation points. I mean, if you're on FB, then transparency shouldn't be an issue, right? So I find these sorts of pleas just...silly. But you're right, they are like the boy who cried wolf. I hadn't put those ideas together before this, but that's what's going on. I don't pay attention to them because I learned long ago not to take them seriously. Huh. Interesting.
ReplyDeleteAlso liked the conversation about asking questions, too. Yes, that was not encouraged in my FOO, either. In some ways I think it made me a more critical thinker because I had to figure things out for myself. In other ways, it held me back because I was so afraid to risk ridicule. In any case, an interesting topic, and very relevant to our healing work, I think.
XX00,
Kitty
"In some ways I think it made me a more critical thinker because I had to figure things out for myself." I've always been a critical thinker - it drives DH a little nuts sometimes; he wonders why I can't watch a film without analysing it - he thinks it's too much effort, I always explain that for me it's no effort a all: I do it almost without thinking. I had never connected it to the fact of having to figure things out for myself, so thanks for bringing it up, it makes a lot of sense. I guess that critical thinking is just like any other skill and just like any other skill, they younger you start the easier it is. Learning to ask questions is going to be a tough one though, but hey, better late than never ;)
DeleteKara xxoo
Well, I've always been a fairly critical thinker too, but it was just in reading your post that it occurred to me why this might be the case. I had never put the ideas together before. Do they fit for you? If so, then maybe it's a valid idea. And interesting, isn't it, because it means we actually got something positive out of all that FOO craziness! :)
DeleteKitty
XX00
Yes Kitty, I agree :) xxoo
DeleteThe origin of this has to be someone who behaves N? With all the things that go viral or are spam, there is an origin, I guess we might have an answer. xx
ReplyDeleteGood point T, only a N could be bothered to spend time getting a kick of playing these sort of jokes on others. xx
Delete