Most of the time when we have amygdala hijacks it's because of having to deal with situations that are triggering, and for which we don't have the tools to manage. Our body sends us a message to run because it doesn't know any other way to deal with them. Here are some tools I've learned over the course of the last year:
1) MEDIUM CHILL:
This I found on a forum on BDP, which is why I thought my mother had until I found NPD:
http://www.voicelessness.com/disc3//index.php?topic=8928.0;wap2
2) DON'T JADE:
Do Not Justify
Do Not Argue
Do Not Defend
Do Not Explain Yourself
to a Narcissist or anyone with N tendencies, or anyone who attacks you, accuses you or tries to smear your reputation. Actually, come to think of it, let's add nosy and gossipy people to this list too. Oh, and trolls, cyber or otherwise.
3) SAY TO YOURSELF: "THEY CAN THINK WHAT THEY LIKE" * when you start taking care of yourself and you know that they won't approve. Let's face it, when we were killing ourselves to keep them happy, they still wouldn't approve of us, so what have you got to lose?
This really works, it's like Narc "kryptonite". I now could not care less what my FOO think of me, or what my sister tells people about me.
*(credit to blogger CS from Caliban's Sisters for coming up with the concept)
4) BE READY TO WALK AWAY.
After we bought the car we have now, I was telling one of my friends, who is a salesman, that I hadn't liked the car salesman at all. He said to me: "ALWAYS be ready to walk away". Even though the advice was a bit late for the car, I think it's applicable to people too, if you want to maintain healthy boundaries.
5) QUICKLY CHANGE THE SUBJECT when talking to jellyfish, that is, if you have to talk to them at all. I try to avoid them like the plague myself. (Jellyfish is the term that the character Bridget Jones uses to describe people who love making stinging comments. Blogger T Reddy @ In Bad Company brought this term to my attention, and it has been really handy.)
6) RESPOND, DON'T REACT. Easier said than done, I'm afraid. So learn everything you can about the Art of the Response. There's a lot of books and articles which deal with the subject. Also check Kitty's post on Reactivity.
7) ASK THEM TO CLARIFY. If someone is pointing the finger at you, say: what makes you say that? Why do you think that? How would you like things to be instead? What do you suggest we do about it? (You'll be surprised at the answers they give you.)
(This post is going to be a work in progress. If you have any more suggestions for the tool kit, let me know and I'll add them to the list.)
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