I had seen this quote in various places, but until this summer I had never met a person who was -literally- not nice to the waiter (not nice to other people, yes, but not nice to a waiter/waitress, never). The guy that I mentioned in previous posts -El Zorro- was absolutely horrendous to waiters/waitresses (or anybody in a position of service for that matter). It was not overt enough that you could pull him up on it, but appalling enough to make one cringe. I had never seen anything quite like it before, it was something I didn't think it existed anymore: he would treat them with an air of superiority, like they did in Victorian times, when people actually had servants, and with a horrible subtle snobbishness, arrogance, cruelty even...
To say that this guy had massive issues is an understatement: a psychiatrist would have a field day with him. Every evening he would have a two hour "mini-depression"; but I don't think it was real depression (people who are truly depressed don't go round advertising the fact to someone they've just met the day before), no, I think he was feeling bad about himself -and rightly so- because our bodies know the truth about ourselves, and if one is going around being so awful to some people -even thought they might be very charming to others- somehow it can't be entirely suppressed, at some point, it leaks out.
I felt really sorry for the guy -not in a compassionate way, but more in a "what a sad way to live" sort of way, because to live your life in that dimension, where it's all about looking good, making money, impressing people, and miss out on having true friendships, and kindness and love, is the worse life I can think of.
I felt really sorry for the guy -not in a compassionate way, but more in a "what a sad way to live" sort of way, because to live your life in that dimension, where it's all about looking good, making money, impressing people, and miss out on having true friendships, and kindness and love, is the worse life I can think of.
El Zorro has a serious problem. Anyone who talks down to wait-staff is broadcasting bad things about themselves. I waitressed during my college years, and it's a hard enough job without being treated like pond scum, however subtly it's done. Who broadcasts their little depressions to strangers? This guy is an odd case study in insecurity, isn't he?
ReplyDeleteYes, he is. Everything he did was to "pump" himself up one way or another. It got really tiring as the weekend went on. I think the "depression" broadcast was a way to get attention.
DeleteAmen, CS, foodservice jobs are harder than it looks and even worse when El Zorro's are at the table. El Zorro does have many things going on and like you mention - a psychiatrist would have a field day. Treating someone like that - someone you don't know - can come from a place of measuring worth? Some measure a person's worth by a job - servant vs master.
ReplyDeleteI like the point of leaking out. That is relevant to people who make great impressions and every once in a while something comes out that isn't consistent.
Hugs to you guys, TR
He did have many things going on TR, I reckon there still enough material for another post with some of the things he did, and we only spent a couple of days and an evening with him.
DeleteOne time we were driving to dinner and he says: "I love you lots guys". My friend and I both thought: "Ummm, you only met us yesterday...". It reminded me of that section in The Gift of Fear book about "forced partnership". It's like he wanted to have an "instant" close relationship to us without allowing for the time that it takes to build a relationship like that.
Hugs to you too.
Kara xxoo
I will never understand people who are rude to someone who is alone with their food before it's brought to the table ;). I was a waitress, and while I would have never lowered myself to doing something horrible, I can't say that about others I worked with...(I never actually saw it, or I would've done something, but I heard lots of stories.)
ReplyDeleteI had numerous people treat me like "staff". One guy actually tossed 5 bucks at me and told me to "get an education" so I could "get a real job". I tossed it back and told him that I DID have a real job AND an education.
Because NSIS actually is a waitress, NM is very considerate of them (as is NSIS. NM was a waitress too in her younger days). But it doesn't keep her from treating other people who she feels are "beneath" her with contempt and rudeness. My in-laws have routinely been rude to the staff (I'm always having to get their attention, as they generally ignore the wait-staff or are overly demanding...like not asking for "extra things" all at once and making her come back five hundred times) and they once short tipped one because she wouldn't break the law by allowing underage people to eat with us. Ridiculous.
You really must come to America my friend, we have perfected the rude-to-waiters scenario. When I was in Europe, I rarely, if ever, saw people act like that.
"I will never understand people who are rude to someone who is alone with their food before it's brought to the table ;"
DeleteHahaha Jess, very good point, I wonder if he's ever thought about that... and yes I've heard some horror stories about that too.
That guy that tossed you the five bucks... yeah "that'll save you -not ;)-". As if five bucks were going to make that much difference... what a loser!
And just because a person is nice to a waitress, doesn't mean they will be nice to you.
ReplyDeleteI recognize that "what a sad way to live" sensation. These are the people who give the example what to NOT be like.
Very good point Judy, my mother is utterly charming to waiters ;)
DeleteThat's a pretty creepy point about people 'being alone' in front of your food,, isn't it? It's a good thing we have good immune systems! I don't even want to think about such things. We are such sitting ducks, our food supply, water supply, beverage services. Jeeeez, we just have to hope that the vast majority of people would take out their frustrations in different ways. That said, I never order in a late night pizza.
ReplyDeleteYes, it is, I had a friend who never used to eat in restaurants for that reason :P
DeleteI will say that everyone I ever worked with was wonderful. You probably have more to worry about eating over at someone's home than at a restaurant ;). And I figure it's good for the immune system.
DeleteI agree entirely. We need to worry about people's kitchen counters at home because there are no health inspectors monitoring them! I too did a lot of work in restaurants during college and most people were super conscientious. Re fast food and pizzas, those things are hotter than the the surface of Venus, so they're fine.
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