Tuesday 22 July 2014

Attention Deficit

I was thinking today how the issue with Narcissists is not so much that they want attention; after all, we all need a healthy amount of attention, but that they want all the attention for themselves. In a normal relationship, people give each other attention. You listen to them, and when they're done, they'll say: "What about you?" With Narcissists this just doesn't happen. It's all about them. And even if they ask you how you are, within ten seconds they'll either interrupt you, or have that blank, switched off look that tells you that they're not really listening, or, in the most unhinged cases, they'll walk away while you're still talking and start talking to someone else. (BiL2 did that once; I was talking to a friend and he interrupted to ask me how I was -after having had flu- and while I was still talking, another person (Mr. Ego's wife) approached us, he started talking to her and actually moved a few steps to the left, leaving a big gap between us and them. My friend and I looked at each other as if saying: "Ok, that was that :P " and carried on with the conversation we were originally having. I did make a mental note to not ever allow myself to be in that position again. - i.e. if asked a question by him to just reply with a one word answer and then take leave ;)

4 comments:

  1. Yes! My NM and EF are always saying that I never talk to them. They never tell people they'll ask me how I am as they walk out of the room. They'll ask me the same question three times, in a row, as if I didn't answer it every single time. It's simply crazy.

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    1. I'm sorry to hear that they do that to you too. Isn't it awful to do that to someone, and very rude, really, if you think about it... :P

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  2. I think you are spot on. My MIL has ADD, which is what I used to chalk her rude behavior up to. But, it finally became clear that she had focus when she WANTED to, but not when it came to someone else.

    When I had my kiddos, people used to accuse me of being jealous of the attention that my MIL and NM wanted from the kids. I used to get stomach upset in situations between the two of them and the kids, it was like I felt I was in competition. And I never felt the same with my FIL, my father, my stepfather, or even my step mother. It finally clicked with me that it wasn't that NM and MIL wanted my kids' attention, they wanted to be the ONLY PEOPLE IN THE ROOM TO THEM. They were jealous, they didn't want to share, they couldn't accept that they weren't the center of attention. Just like with love, they don't believe that there is more than enough for everyone, but that there is a limited supply, and they should have it ALL.

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    1. Yes, it makes me think of the seagulls in "Finding Nemo", you know, the ones that go "mine,mine,mine" every time they see a fish being thrown ;)

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