Monday 3 June 2013

What Self-Help Books Don't Tell You...

Kitty left a comment on one of my earlier posts so brilliant it deserves its own post:

"The vast majority of self-help books, IMO, not only don't tell how, but they gloss over the complexity of the process. I suppose that's because nobody can make any money saying "this process involves an entire sea change in how you view yourself, the world, your family, relationships, spirituality, personal growth, and everything you know to be true. You will have to get into the habit of questioning your self-identity, your assumptions, what you've been taught, how you've been taught it, and the emotional repercussions of it all. You will also have to learn some basic psychology, challenge your narcissism, work to increase your self-awareness, and deal with your fears, anxieties, and those pesky repressed emotions that are causing the problems in the first place." LOL! Nobody wants to hear that stuff!"

Boy, isn't this the truth...


17 comments:

  1. Amen to that. How could you slap a "Seven Steps to" title on that one? Or "Nine Steps" or Get Rich in four easy steps," or Transform your entire life with these five secrets." Blech. Kitty's comment is brilliant, nails it. How incredibly long hard and deeply organic the whole process is, and how every step forward is accompanied by a half step back or sideways. Great post, hat tip to Kitty.

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  2. Only someone who has done (and is doing) her work, would write such a thing. You know, people join self-help groups, assuming they'll have everything fixed up in six months or less. Longtimers kinda smile 'cuz we've faced our own narcissism at some point WAY back when we thought two weeks should do the trick. ha!!

    What Kitty's comment also suggests is that Information and Insight can happen quickly. It's the work, the behavior changes, the consistent insistence on self-honesty that demands years of practice.

    Love,
    CZ

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    1. Generally I HATE all the books (self-help) written about parental Narcissism. I find them ....cowardly, or just off...not revealing the NM's that I have known in their full vemon. I feel that most of these books and we have all read them...present shell games. Whether we don't ever 'feel good enough' these books really (at least to me) throw a veil over the deep cruelties of these mothers. I even thought the narcississts in Peck's "People of the Lie" weren't as bad as those I knew. LOL!

      Yes, and yes again! It is a long journey, and no book can bring us to the place of peace and self-confidence. It's a personal and vicious struggle with ourselves and everyone around us that have contributed to our woundedness, alive and dead! I have learned and found more truth and comfort from these various websites and they are invaluable to me. They speak directly to my experience and pain. I see I am not alone and this is of a very great comfort.

      Frankly, I am waiting, not so patiently for CZBZ to write a book. THEN I will have more confidence in the words between the covers. Because this book will be born of the fires we have lived and walked through so painfully.

      Get writing, CZ.

      Lady Nyo

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    2. well, this comment was eaten alive.

      However, I have gotten more information and comfort from these websites than any book I have read.

      Lady Nyo

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    3. Thank you Lady Nyo. I'm glad that we're able to help one another.

      Hugs,

      Kara

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  3. Lol, thanks Kara, I'd forgotten all about that comment. I love what CZ said, that while insight can happen quickly, the behavior can take much longer. Self-honesty is where it's at, no doubt about it. Amen, sisters.

    Love,
    Kitty

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    1. Kara has this amazing way of remembering key things all her commenters have said at different points. It's like she just naturally stores stuff for future application (comment-squirrel). That's the best kind of learning from your friends, isn't it? I'm always struck by the things she recalls. It's also why she's our (yeah I say "our") Sherlock Holmes.xx

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    2. Sherlockara lol ;) xx

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    3. Sherlock Holmes Comment Squirrel. I'd say that fits pretty well!

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  4. Well said. As suppose it wouldn't be a good way to market a self-help book. ;) xxoo

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  5. Yeah I have a title for Kitty's Self-Help Book:

    "Learning to Unlearn Everything You've Ever Thought and Felt Because Your Parents
    Made You and Learning to Think, Act and Feel for Yourself: Two-thousand Easy Steps
    for Years of Gut-wrenching Labor." Download all seven hundred volumes from Kindle for only $10,000! Shipping free; packing and handling, $5,000.

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  6. Brilliant. Thank you for giving great information its own post.

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