"Exposure to other people’s pathology (and the corresponding emotional, physical/sexual abuse) can, and often does, give other people stress disorders, including PTSD. Our psychological and emotional systems are simply not wired for long-term exposure to someone else’s abnormal psychology. Often the result is a conglomeration of ‘aftermath’ symptoms that include PTSD, which is described as ‘a normal reaction to an abnormal life event.’
The profound and long-term effects of PTSD create what I refer to as a ‘cracked vessel.’ The fragmentation caused by the trauma creates a crack in the emotional defense system of the person. While treatment can ‘glue the crack back together’, and the vessel can once again function as a vessel, if pressure is applied to the crack, the vase will split apart again."
It shed light on why as soon as life gets too hectic or I am dealing with too many "arrows" at once, I crash. Badly. I lose all the energy in my body. I am unable to move. It's as if the body has "yanked" me out of life into a "repair workshop" and I am not allowed to move until the work is done. DH said to me yesterday that my problem is that I don't stop when I'm tired, and I had to agree. It makes sense that the inner compass in my body just takes the reigns and makes me stop whether I want it or not. One of the articles in the website discussed the need for people who have been through trauma to "live a gentler live". Can I live a "gentler life"? Looks like I'm going to have to learn how to. No point being so busy and then crashing so badly that you can't do anything for days.
On this last crash I was so drained I couldn't even write but I was able to sketch a little. I was going to attempt to do a sketch inspired by the painting in the post on The Cracked Vessel, and in Modigliani's style for CZBZ -whose profile is a painting of Modigliani- for sharing the link. So I had one go and it was ok, but I wasn't exactly what I wanted. Then I had another idea: to sketch Jeanne Hébuterne with her dress as a cracked vessel, and this is what came out: