Tuesday 9 October 2012

Heckle and Jeckle

     The commentary on other blogger's posts of the recent events has triggered a memory. It came back to me as I was thinking how Charity's actions seemed like she was trying to get a reaction from us. Like setting a cat among the pigeons.  
Someone mentioned about people who get a kick of creating a situation and watching people's reactions. For the life of me I can't remember who said it. I was thinking: what kind of person does that? And then I remembered...
     It seems so far away now that I don't remember much of the detail. I do remember the feelings though. Years ago I made friends with two sisters. When I first met them I thought they were really funny, in a witty clever way. My friends found them irritating. Their nickname for them was Heckle and Jeckle because of their high pitch voices. I could see what they meant but, tolerant and patient as I was then, I used to make excuses for them because I felt sorry for them. They had a really tragic history.Their father had died falling from a scaffolding when the mother was pregnant with the youngest one, so she had never even met her father. The other sister was five when it happened. Their mother had really struggled to make ends meet being on her own with three little girls. 
As things turned out I ended sharing a flat with them for nearly 3 years. 
     These girls used to make the most shocking statements when there was a ready audience to see what people's reactions would be. I had completely forgotten about this. Since my relationship with them ended in proper narcissistic fashion, I don't think of them very often.They loved winding people up. And people would fall for it every time. One time I brought up the issue with them about how they were embarrassing me they just told me that I was too sensitive. That I had no sense of humour. And that I had to learn to take jokes. How I wish I knew then what I know now. I could have given them a run for their money. Although to give myself credit, towards the end I started giving back as good as I got, and they were terrified. When they realised I could turn their tricks against them they said: "We've created a monster. Kara is not a "good girl" anymore." I guess their definition of a "good girl" was a victim that would take their digs laying down every single time. What they did might not seem like a big thing but it was rooted in cruelty. Putting people on the spot so that they could amuse themselves. It's just wrong. The funny thing is that if anybody came even remotely close to having a dig at them they would tear at them like a vicious tiger. They would go on and on for hours about how bad was the person who had allegedly offended them. Another great example of one set of rules for you, another set of rules for us. 
   When I was looking up the name of Heckle and Jeckle in english (I only knew them by their spanish translation) I found this: (from the wikipedia article)

 "While both are basically brash, cynical and antagonistic, Heckle may be more openly confrontational, and Jeckle slightly more devious. Both may deliberately annoy their mutual foils with insults, slapstick violence and rudeness, but Heckle is more likely to make his intentions clear from the outset. Conversely, Jeckle often treats enemies politely at first, in order to lull them into a false sense of security before unleashing magpie mayhem. They are alternately cast as a pair of conmen actively out to swindle an unsuspecting dupe—or just freeloading opportunists, idly in search of a free ride or mooching a meal.The duo bested their foes by outsmarting them, all the while indulging in wry commentary that made their adversaries appear even more stupid.
The characters' cheeky personas occasionally extended to impromptu song routines, such as "Give Us a House to Wreck" in House Busters (1952)."

Give us a house to wreck indeed. These sisters loved generating chaos and then had a good laugh at everybody else's expense. I'm realising now that their nickname was fitting in more ways than one.

19 comments:

  1. I hadn't thought of it quite that way before. There was a guy I had a crush on, but there was something slightly off. I couldn't figure it out...or I didn't want to admit it. He enjoyed telling stories. He always said, "I'm just pulling your leg." It annoyed him that I didn't fall for his tales. Glad it didn't work out. It also brought to mind all the times my NM would covertly instigate strife between the siblings...really, she tells stories about me whenever she has the chance, even to total strangers. She relishes the drama even while she cries about hating confrontation. She revels in it if she created it.

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    1. Thanks for the feedback Judy. It is interesting how once we learn about narcissism, we get to review everything under a different lens.

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  2. "They would go on and on for hours about how bad was the person who had allegedly offended them. Another great example of one set of rules for you, another set of rules for us."

    That was my first clue that my parents were off. I told my therapist yesterday that my parents were exceptionally bad at manipulation attempts (they tried to turn their kids against eachother, which were epic fails). The good doc said, maybe you're exceptionally bright? That got me thinking about bloggers like yourself that managed to survive and see the Ns for what they are when everybody else seem to still believe their crap.

    As for "who get a kick of creating a situation and watching people's reactions", while I despise these Heckle and Jeckle types in real life and trolls in the cyber world, yet I can't help think back when I manipulated an online celebrity poll by exploiting a weakness in their program and using an old software that most people seem to have forgotten, then I checked the social media for the reactions. I justified that it's just a silly celebrity poll, but wasn't my action no better than the trolls? The only difference being that I didn't post anything nasty but watched silently as fans panicked over their favorite falling in the poll. I think I'm terrified of the slippery slope.

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    1. Hi Enilina,
      I have to confess that I thought your story of manipulating an online celebrity poll was really funny. It made me think of something that Tom Sawyer would do if he'd been a more modern character. But I know what you mean about the slippery slope. I suppose maybe the difference is that what you did sounds more like mischief than cruelty. And that you're honest about the danger in going down the slope, whereas these people would rather die than admit that anything they're doing is wrong.

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    2. Kara I'm so relieved when you said it was funny along the line of Tom Sawyer funny. I'm still sorting through my internal moral compass over my involvement in other online manipulations stuff. I already know the answer, I just need to apply it. Self awareness is not a substitute for self improvement.

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    3. Enilina, we are all on the same boat. I would say that self-awareness is the previous step to self-improvement because you can´t change what you don´t acknowledge. Being honest about oneself to oneself and others is hard, it takes inner courage, and you are already doing that.

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  3. I've known many people like this too, and I never understood it. I had one friend who, although she never really instigated the drama, she loved to watch it go down. She told me once she liked when someone had toilet paper stuck to their shoe, or their dress tucked into their underware, that sort of thing. She thought it was the most amazing fun to watch these poor people twist with humiliation. I was shocked with her revelation.

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    1. I don't get that either. You've just made me think of this other girl I know who was telling me about a documentary she'd watched about people in a circus in the Victorian times. You know, the ones that had physical defects, and she was saying how her SIL and her had found it really funny. I was completely horrified. There is something rather morbid in enjoying someone's misfortune and humiliation.

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  4. Enilina. I think we will allow you to foil a celebrity popularity poll.
    Especially if it was a Kardashian or Justin Bieber.

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    1. It was Twilight - Vampire Diaries. Nothing against the actors but I hate vampires, almost as much as I hate angels.

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    2. I have a strong antipathy for vampires too, they're a metaphor for narcissists.

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    3. Enilina - I hate angels too. At least the namby-pamby blonde fairy/angels popular now. If I want an angel, give me a good old fashioned old-testament ARCHANGEL. Sword, Shield, flinging a hefty dose of pestilance and furious anger. Like Gabriel, or Michael. None of the flighty butterfly angel crap for me!

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    4. Enilina.
      You say Vampires.
      I say Kardashian.
      Lets call the whole thing off.

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  5. NF used to play my sister and me off of each other, when we were teens especially. I hated my sister and she hated me. Then we grew up and got to know each other without the bullshit NF created, and I love her and hate the time he stole from us. Bastard. He enjoyed every bit of us not getting along, would tell me he "liked my spirit." He also liked my spirit when I got in trouble in school.

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    1. Hi Bess,
      What your NF did is beyond awful. I'm so glad that he didn't ruin your relationship with your sister.

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  6. I have had a friend for nearly 30 years who is a narcissist. Of course, I only realized it once I became educated about narcissists and their ways. Years ago we were 'play' wrestling, being silly...or so I thought. She intended to win and crushed the top of my foot to do so! I still have lingering pain in that spot when it rains. As well, I can't count the times she has embarrassed me in public and finds it very very funny. I would confide that I had a crush on someone and she would talk about my feelings when the person was in the room. I suggested to her that she is sadistic and she say's (laughing) that she can't deny it. In the past couple years I've mentioned narcissism and she does not see that in herself, but does in one of her sisters. This friend can not take even a wee little joke about her, but like my nm, finds others pain so damn thrilling. grrrr

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    1. Hi Trisha,
      Your friend sounds very similar to this two sisters. I was friends with them for about 6 years and that was damaging enough :P you have my complete sympathy.

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  7. This behaviour of theirs is strange. It reminds me of my mom. She would say things about me in front of family and friends that I thought were private. She would tell people of my embarrassing moments - all the ones during puberty too. She would get a laugh out of it and enjoy what others said about it. x T

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    1. Yep, she sounds very much like these two sisters. Anything you said could be used for their amusement, and you never knew at what moment they might choose to bring it up. In the end it´s like what you said in your post: they are not friends, they are enemies. xxoo

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