Tuesday, 12 March 2013
Just How Deep Is This Rabbit Hole?
While I was away these last two weeks I had quite a lot of time to think. That's the beauty of being away: it gives you a different perspective. Next month it will be a year since I started blogging. When I started I "calculated" that I'd be done blogging in about a year. Boy, was I wrong. I had no idea how deep this hole was going to be. Sometimes I feel like I've only just started. Other times I wonder what will be left standing at the end of it. Still, being in the rabbit hole with a compass feels much better than being in the forest not knowing the way.
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Great analogy. I hope the two weeks away was enjoyable.
ReplyDeleteThanks Judy, I had a lovely time. I've put some photos on the other blog. xx
DeleteThat's how it goes, Kara. You keep growing and changing, so your ideas do, too. Life is infinite! Great analogy!
ReplyDeleteps--glad you had a good vacation!
ReplyDeleteThanks Kitty, I find myself in a completely different place from where I expected to be. I am not disappointed, but rather really surprised of how different it is. xx
ReplyDeleteHi Kara, I love the last sentence in this. We are each others' compasses, all of us, aren't we? Welcome back. This July will be one year for me (RC began in July). I still need to write; but I don't feel as completely at sea as I did last year. You all have helped so much. love CS
ReplyDeleteYes, we are each other's compasses! I am learning so much from all of you, I almost feel like I am doing a sort of free-lance amateur course on psychology. So much homework... Still, it feels so good to be able to make sense of things. xxoo
DeleteIf someone had told me I'd still be writing anonymously after ten years, I'd have snickered in their face. Speaking of Snickers...do you have those in other parts of the world? They sure come in handy during a pity party.
ReplyDeletep.s. I haven't blogged ten years but I've been on message boards since 2002. I was thinking about this just the other day and wondered when it might be time to unplug my HP. Then I looked at all of my siblings, thought about their stuckness, and decided to stay Plugged In. Back Down the Rabbit Hole for me.
Yes, we have Snickers over here, though my favourite chocolate is Green&Black's. They make an amazing white chocolate bar (also Lindt's Dark chocolate with whole hazelnut).
DeleteI guess writing makes one look at the facts as to how to deal with the issues, also makes one be honest about the situation and oneself, which then makes you do something about it. So yes, I'm staying plugged in and let's see where the rabbit hole takes us :) xx
Wow - this made me go back and see when I started blogging - February 12 of last year! Amazing - and although I don't feel hopeless or stuck, I know that I'll be blogging for a good while to come! Putting it down on "paper" is just so freeing and it makes me really think through "what the hell just happened", analyze it, figure out if I can handle it better, and move on. It's the moving on part that I like best - moving away from, moving toward - moving is good!
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way, Toto, writing it all down is truly freeing. xx
DeleteOne thing that I love about our support group (you guys I really think of you this way) is that we can come and go, depending on how our lives are working, and there's no judgement about how often we post or comment. I feel like I've got a true group of people to bounce things off of when I hit stumbling blocks, or just need reality checks, or when I want to know what's happening in your worlds. It's volitional, not compulsory. I'm all about volition these days. I'm working on retiring vestiges of auto-pilot FOO guilt; I'm trying to privilege my own needs and preferences (I know it sounds selfish but for ACoNs, or exes of narcs, learning to do so is huge), and really OWN the rest of my life. Nearly two thirds of my life is over, and I want to be DONE paying homage to NPs who never really showed consistent love for me in ways that I could feel; who ignored or devalued my emotional needs for most of my life. I want to be "done and dusted." Not there yet; but it's now a clear goal, and last year at this time, it wasn't yet. I learn from you all, and draw strength from you too. love CS
DeleteI love that too CS, I love the feeling of sharing with you all because I want to and not because I have to. The support I have received has enabled me to face up to my FOO in a way that I never thought possible before. I am very grateful to you.
DeleteLove,
Kara